I opened my diary and turned to December 15th. Today's entry was only 81 words.Day by day my entries were getting shorter.I stared out of the window, people walked slowly in the garden while others sat on the benches ,deep in thought.It was only their thoughts ,their memories which kept them alive but it was the same memories that kept them sober too.
I flipped the pages back to Feb 15th.The day I made 'the decision' or was forced to make it. I was shocked to learn how fast people's mind change,even your own daughter's.Raghav had died the previous year.Sandra was already married and settled in the US.She stayed with me for a few months, 63 days to be precise.I really didn't know what she was planning,because she never discussed about my life-to-be after her father's death.She seemed detached.As days past ,I felt she was being restless.Constant calls from her husband to go back made her frustrated.Every time I was around the corner ,her phone calls would become hushed.I began to sense the unhappiness in her voice and actions.She was starting to get annoyed by whatever I did.
I confronted her with the big question.She didn't reply.Without much of a pause ,I suggested I would stay here alone."No,we are planning to sell the house",she said without batting an eyelid.
I felt the world around me spinning.My head felt dizzy.I sat down on the chair to ponder upon the next steps.She stood with her back to me ,looking stern.I knew I never had an invite to the US,but when staying here alone with Raghav's memories was also not an option,I was shattered.I regained my senses and suggested that I would join the Daisy Shelter.She turned back and looked into my eyes.Without a second thought or alternate suggestion, she nodded without the slightest remorse.I realized then ,that I should have said this earlier ,it would have saved her time.
I was still recovering from Raghav's death ,but this moment seemed far more painful than his loss.Despite being a healthy ,educated and able lady ,I was a noone for my daughter ,a bother.
The Daisy Shelter was a home for the old.I am thankful that I had spent some time and money for the people here when I could.Who would've imagined that my final destination would be here.Sandra comforted me with a few words ;justified her excuses and then returned to US the same week.It stinged me inside when her eyes watered but her heart didn't shed a single tear.She promised she would stay connected over Skype. I lowered my eyes and gave a half nod. Next day ,I packed my bags to to my new home.
The Daisy Shelter was mainly occupied by people who are in good health but were abandoned by their children.They have an in-house hospital and doctors for weekly checkups and emergencies.I found new friends and they had very similar and sometimes even disappointing stories to share.But everyone still loved their children and deep inside they still kept their hopes high.They were excited when one phonecall,one letter ,or one visitor came.Sandra called me once in a month. Lately ,it was reduced to a skype call once in 3 months. I would see my grandchildren playing in the background. Guess they have no idea ,their grandmother is alive here ,longing to see them.The call duration gradually reduced.I also resisted my temptation to call her.
For months along my phone remained silent.My anticipation also died .I left the room and took a stroll in the garden.As I stood there,watering and pampering my mango sampling someone passing by on the road called me."Ma'am" ,he called out and came over to the compound wall.My heart beat fast and my face flushed.
"Ma'am ! Do you remember me? "
I guessed he would be a student of mine.But ,out of embarrassment ,I failed to respond.
"Ma'am ,I'm Frank.You were my 10th grade English teacher."
I smiled weakly.
"Nice to see you after such a long time.You were my favorite teacher."
I smiled again.
He understood I was uncomfortable and left bidding goodbye .
I left this embarrassing memory at the back of my head and continued with my mundane life.Days past and I spent more time with my mango sampling who would at least in a few years give me shelter and fruit.Every night ,I wrote my diary.I tried convincing myself to be more positive and happy. Only you have the power to make yourself happy.I learnt I never should have expected anything from my daughter.That night ,I closed my diary writing the usual lines.Unusually my phone rang.It wasn't Sandra's usual id,probably her husband's.
I attended the call.
"Hi Ma'am.." Frank's image spoke to me.
"I'm sorry to surprise you.I'm Frank.We met a few days back."
I nodded.
"You were my inspiration in school.Your words had a very positive effect on my life."
He paused for a moment and then continued "I grew up as an orphan and I had to struggle to come up to this level.Now ,I have a well-paying job and house.But what's missing is a family.I spoke to the management in Daisy Shelter that day and got to know your story."
He paused again. A long pause. Silence.
"Would you come with me ?" he asked breaking the silence.
My eyes welled up and my throat was in knots but my heart glowed.My heart glowed with hope and love. Probably this is the Skype call I was waiting for..
I flipped the pages back to Feb 15th.The day I made 'the decision' or was forced to make it. I was shocked to learn how fast people's mind change,even your own daughter's.Raghav had died the previous year.Sandra was already married and settled in the US.She stayed with me for a few months, 63 days to be precise.I really didn't know what she was planning,because she never discussed about my life-to-be after her father's death.She seemed detached.As days past ,I felt she was being restless.Constant calls from her husband to go back made her frustrated.Every time I was around the corner ,her phone calls would become hushed.I began to sense the unhappiness in her voice and actions.She was starting to get annoyed by whatever I did.
I confronted her with the big question.She didn't reply.Without much of a pause ,I suggested I would stay here alone."No,we are planning to sell the house",she said without batting an eyelid.
I felt the world around me spinning.My head felt dizzy.I sat down on the chair to ponder upon the next steps.She stood with her back to me ,looking stern.I knew I never had an invite to the US,but when staying here alone with Raghav's memories was also not an option,I was shattered.I regained my senses and suggested that I would join the Daisy Shelter.She turned back and looked into my eyes.Without a second thought or alternate suggestion, she nodded without the slightest remorse.I realized then ,that I should have said this earlier ,it would have saved her time.
I was still recovering from Raghav's death ,but this moment seemed far more painful than his loss.Despite being a healthy ,educated and able lady ,I was a noone for my daughter ,a bother.
The Daisy Shelter was a home for the old.I am thankful that I had spent some time and money for the people here when I could.Who would've imagined that my final destination would be here.Sandra comforted me with a few words ;justified her excuses and then returned to US the same week.It stinged me inside when her eyes watered but her heart didn't shed a single tear.She promised she would stay connected over Skype. I lowered my eyes and gave a half nod. Next day ,I packed my bags to to my new home.
The Daisy Shelter was mainly occupied by people who are in good health but were abandoned by their children.They have an in-house hospital and doctors for weekly checkups and emergencies.I found new friends and they had very similar and sometimes even disappointing stories to share.But everyone still loved their children and deep inside they still kept their hopes high.They were excited when one phonecall,one letter ,or one visitor came.Sandra called me once in a month. Lately ,it was reduced to a skype call once in 3 months. I would see my grandchildren playing in the background. Guess they have no idea ,their grandmother is alive here ,longing to see them.The call duration gradually reduced.I also resisted my temptation to call her.
For months along my phone remained silent.My anticipation also died .I left the room and took a stroll in the garden.As I stood there,watering and pampering my mango sampling someone passing by on the road called me."Ma'am" ,he called out and came over to the compound wall.My heart beat fast and my face flushed.
"Ma'am ! Do you remember me? "
I guessed he would be a student of mine.But ,out of embarrassment ,I failed to respond.
"Ma'am ,I'm Frank.You were my 10th grade English teacher."
I smiled weakly.
"Nice to see you after such a long time.You were my favorite teacher."
I smiled again.
He understood I was uncomfortable and left bidding goodbye .
I left this embarrassing memory at the back of my head and continued with my mundane life.Days past and I spent more time with my mango sampling who would at least in a few years give me shelter and fruit.Every night ,I wrote my diary.I tried convincing myself to be more positive and happy. Only you have the power to make yourself happy.I learnt I never should have expected anything from my daughter.That night ,I closed my diary writing the usual lines.Unusually my phone rang.It wasn't Sandra's usual id,probably her husband's.
I attended the call.
"Hi Ma'am.." Frank's image spoke to me.
"I'm sorry to surprise you.I'm Frank.We met a few days back."
I nodded.
"You were my inspiration in school.Your words had a very positive effect on my life."
He paused for a moment and then continued "I grew up as an orphan and I had to struggle to come up to this level.Now ,I have a well-paying job and house.But what's missing is a family.I spoke to the management in Daisy Shelter that day and got to know your story."
He paused again. A long pause. Silence.
"Would you come with me ?" he asked breaking the silence.
My eyes welled up and my throat was in knots but my heart glowed.My heart glowed with hope and love. Probably this is the Skype call I was waiting for..
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